Accepting Imperfection

I was watching a movie the other day, and the following question came to mind: What if our mistakes at work were met with the same laughter and lightheartedness as bloopers in a movie? What if imperfection just wasn’t expected, but celebrated?

This thought came up after watching the movie’s bloopers. I love bloopers. After watching the outtakes from that movie, I went down a YouTube rabbit hole, searching for more from other films and TV shows.

Then it hit me: actors always mess up, and people like me search for them because their mistakes bring laughter. Remember DVDs? Anytime I rented or bought a new DVD, I would first check for the bloopers in the extra section (and I would be SO disappointed when they weren’t included).

As I watched these bloopers, I realized that actors mess up constantly, yet it doesn’t take away from their talent or success. In fact, it adds to our entertainment. So why do we treat mistakes like they define us in the working world?

Around this time (don’t you love when different parts of your world end up connecting?), I also watched this clipwhere researcher and author Brené Brown was interviewed by Oprah, and she said some powerful words. She said (to the best of my ability to transcribe), “When perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun, and fear is the annoying backseat driver…Here is what perfectionism really is. It is a way of thinking that says this: If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize, criticism, blame and ridicule…All perfectionism is, is the 20-ton shield that we carry around, hoping that it will keep us from being hurt. When in truth, what it does is it keeps us from being seen.”

Oof…you felt the truth of that quote, too, right? What stands out to me is how parts of us want to avoid negative interactions, which impacts how we show up in the world.

This shield concept reminds me of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model I was introduced to in my coaching program. The IFS model states that our minds are made up of different parts, each influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and decisions. In other words, it is a driving force in how we show up in the world.

One of our teachers shared a helpful metaphor to help us understand parts. Think of a town hall meeting and all the different types of participants that attend. In one town hall, you may have that one person who is very passionate about an issue and wants to make sure it is heard. You may also have one quiet person who follows what everyone is saying. Or you could have that one person questioning every step of a process. And the list goes on. The point is that parts can take on different roles and show up in various ways.

Now, let’s connect this concept of parts and how it pushes us to strive for perfectionism.  

Brené Brown already named one part when she pointed out the desire to avoid criticism, blame, or ridicule. I see this as the part of us that does not want any trouble. For many of us—whether we’re children of immigrants or members of underrepresented groups in the workplace—survival has meant keeping our heads down and working hard. If we do anything differently than this, there is fear that this can impact our ability to move up in the workplace and, truthfully, job security.

Another part of us may fear failure—deeply shaped by the broader white supremacy culture that permeates through so many parts of our lives. In terms of perfectionism, white supremacy culture tends to see mistakes as a personal failure rather than the human expectation of making a mistake and, more importantly, the opportunity for learning from the mistakes being made.  

We may also hold a part that feels the sense of imposter syndrome. You fear any mistake made will lead others to see you as a fraud or not good enough for the job.

There are countless parts and reasons that push us to perfectionism. So, where does that leave us? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live always striving for perfectionism. It is stressful and exhausting. Plus, perfectionism doesn’t exist, and it is an impossible goal.

I once heard a Shaykh explain that the Arabic word for human is ‘Insaan,’ which comes from the Arabic root, n-s-a, which means ‘to forget.’ Literally, our word in the language of our holy book means we are the forgetful ones. I took the Shaykh’s point that we are not intended to be perfect. Allah created us to make mistakes. 

The good news is that it doesn’t have to remain that way. We have the power to change how perfectionism manifests in our lives and workplaces. We can normalize imperfection and, more importantly, accept it when it happens.

Let’s discuss some ways we can do that. At its core, this work requires rewiring or breaking habits. There is no cookie-cutter solution to normalizing perfectionism. The key to success in this type of work is to experiment and find what works best for you. Here are some practices that I have tried or that I have heard work for others.

1. Build a reflection routine: Set some time daily or weekly to reflect on everything that has happened. Reflection is a powerful tool that can lead to clarity, learning, or reframing. Here are some reflection questions to help you:

• • Where did you notice perfectionism creeping in?
  • What led you to push yourself?
  • What would be the consequence of you not pushing yourself? What would be the benefit of not pushing yourself?

2. Create a mantra:

Having a mantra can help you reframe how you view perfectionism and accept mistakes as a natural process of life. It can be simple, like: ‘It is OK to make mistakes.’

You can even make it a dhikr and add ‘Bismillah’ at the beginning and ‘Alhamdulillah’ at the end of your chosen mantra. (Some definitions: dhikr is a form of worship of saying a phrase remembering God repeatedly; ‘Bismillah’ means ‘in the name of ‘God’; and ‘Alhumdullah’ means ‘All praise to God’).

3. Find ways to admit your mistakes publicly. Share with someone how you made a mistake recently, what you did to overcome it, and what you learned from it. By modeling this in front of others, you are planting a seed for the culture of perfectionism to change in the environment around you. Note: I recognize this is not an option for all workplaces. This can backfire if people in your environment are not open to changing things. So, use your judgment if this is the proper practice to test out.

4. Laugh about it: When a mistake happens, find ways to laugh with the people around you (when appropriate).

This work isn’t easy. It requires discipline, humility, and the willingness to be uncomfortable. So give yourself grace while working on this.

So, I leave you with this question: How is perfectionism currently showing up in your life, and what do you want to do about it?